Building a Better BJ

Brit Lashon HaTov: Covenant for Communicating in a Kehillah Kedoshah

At BJ we pride ourselves on our diversity. We are a large congregation comprised of members of all ages who come from a multitude of backgrounds, with diverse talents, interests, lifestyles, and perspectives. As a community, we pray, study, mourn, celebrate, and work together to repair the world. We are thoughtful, creative, committed, sometimes boisterous, and often opinionated. Our differing perspectives have the potential to fuel constructive dialogue and raise our individual and collective consciousness.

Brit Lashon HaTov derives from a desire to foster the kind of constructive communication that will truly enable us to be a kehillah kedoshah, a sacred community. The guidelines outlined in the brit lashon ha tov were an outgrowth of the work of BJ's Communications Task Force, convened in the spring of 2001.

Task Force members, speaking one-on-one and in a community forum with a wide variety of BJ congregants, discovered a broad-based concern about the way we sometimes interact with each other. Specifically, congregants expressed the need to speak, write, meet, email, and phone each other in ways that demonstrate greater tolerance and respect.

With Rabbi Felicia Sol's guidance, the Task Force embarked on a journey to identify principles of Jewish learning that could inform interactions across our community. As we furthered our own learning, we discovered that the principles contained in this brit lashon ha tov not only provide for tolerant and respectful conversation but also create the possibility of transforming our thinking and listening, enabling us to reap all of the benefits of diversity that are so integral to the spirit of BJ.
 

"Everyone is created in God's Image" 1

• Invite and encourage everyone's participation
• Assume the best intentions on the part of your listener
• Do not engage in lashon hara – gossip, rumor mongering, slander

"Everyone has a place in the Torah," 2

• Seek to understand others' opinions before yours is understood
• Work to gain insights from views other than your own

"Disagree for the sake of Heaven," 3

• Seek to clarify misunderstandings productively
• Ask a factual question to determine if your assumptions are correct before deciding there is a problem
• Treat your conversational partner as you would want to be treated

"There is a time to keep silent and a time to speak," 4

• Greet questions with a moment of silence to give everyone ample time to formulate a thoughtful response
• Communicate your own thoughts and speak for yourself, not for other people
• Understand the roles and responsibilities that congregants, staff and rabbis have in a particular matter so there is real clarity about who is responsible for making a decision
• Seek to understand when it is time to keep silent

"Words are powerful" 5

• Appreciate the spirit and passion of our community as it is reflected in diverse opinions
• Strive towards listening and hearing each other as members of a holy community –
  • in public meetings
  • in community forums
  • in havurot
  • in classes
  • in e-mail
  • on the phone
  • at B'nai Jeshurun

Although we strive to keep this covenant, sometimes we fall short. We try to recognize those times and apologize to those we have harmed. We try again. We are human.

FOOTNOTES

1. Genesis 1:27
2. Sefat Emet on Parashat Bamidar
3. Pirke Avot 5:19
4. Ecclesiastes 3:7
5. Proverbs 18:21

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