Welcome to the B'nai Mitzvah Page!
Please click on the below links for information.
INDEX
YOUR FAMILY’S JOURNEY
- Eligibility
- Fourth Grade
- Fifth and Sixth Grade
- Sixth and Seventh Grade
- The Week of your child's Bar/Bat Mitzvah
- Fees and Contributions
B'nai MITZVAH AT CONGREGATION B'nai JESHURUN:
YOUR FAMILY’S JOURNEY
"May you live to see your world fulfilled,
May your destiny be for worlds still to come,
And may you trust in generations past and yet to be.
May your heart be filled with intuition
And your words be filled with insight.
May songs of praise ever be upon your tongue
And your vision be on a straight path before you.
May your eyes shine with the light of holy words
And your face reflect the brightness of the heavens.
May your lips ever speak wisdom
And your fulfillment be in righteousness
Even as you ever yearn to hear the words of the Holy Ancient One of Old."
- (Parents’ blessing from Berachot 17a, as translated in Vitaher Libenu)
Your child's bar/bat mitzvah is an affirmation of your family's commitment to Jewish community and education, an exhilarating moment in a journey of learning, spiritual growth and commitment to mitzvot. You will discover the rewards of recognizing your child's steps from childhood towards maturity within the context of a committed Jewish life. And it is holy for us as a community to support and celebrate this transformation with you.
At Congregation B'nai Jeshurun, this journey officially begins when a child is in third grade and continues through and beyond the child's thirteenth birthday. This will be a journey towards mitzvot, the commandments of Jewish law that frame the way Jews serve God and their communities through study, prayer, and acts of lovingkindness.
When your child received his or her name, the community expressed the hope that he or she would be led to Torah, chuppah (the marriage canopy), and ma'asim tovim (great deeds). The journey to and through the bar/bat mitzvah includes the first steps your child will take toward the first hope, Torah. May this be a fulfilling step on your child's and your family's Jewish journey and may your ties to the Jewish community and Jewish tradition be strengthened by it.
This booklet is designed to guide you through the bar/bat mitzvah journey year-by-year beginning with fourth grade. It will become your quick reference for most everything having to do with your child's bar/bat mitzvah. We have tried to anticipate your questions and provide you with the answers as well as the names of people to contact if you need more information.
WHO BECOMES BAR/BAT MITZVAH AT CONGREGATION B'nai JESHURUN
A Jewish child becomes bar/bat mitzvah upon reaching his or her thirteenth birthday. The communal recognition of this milestone can take many forms in our community.
Types of Services
Shabbat Morning Celebrations
Many b'nai mitzvah are marked by participation in the Shabbat morning service. The bar/bat mitzvah stands before the entire community to mark his/her transition to maturity and responsibility under Jewish law, and before the community of peers with whom he/she has been studying and preparing for this moment. For this reason, we require that children receive their Jewish education in a communal setting - either at the B'nai Jeshurun Hebrew School or at a Jewish day school such as the Abraham Joshua Heschel School or Solomon Schechter. Students who receive their Jewish education in a BJ approved Small Group Beit Midrash Jewish learning setting are also eligible for a community service celebration. This education should begin no later than in the third grade and will include participation in the communal aspects of bar/bat mitzvah preparation at B'nai Jeshurun. If your child has attended another twice-a-week Hebrew school, the attendance at that Hebrew school may meet our educational requirement. Please call Davey Rosen (x244) to discuss any questions about your child's Jewish education.
Congregational Membership
Since the bar/bat mitzvah is a sacred moment for the entire family, we require that the family be a member of B'nai Jeshurun continuously from the beginning of the bar/bat mitzvah child's fourth grade year in school. If your family has belonged to another synagogue for the years between the time your child was in fourth grade and the time you joined B'nai Jeshurun, that membership satisfies this requirement.
Alternative Celebrations
TThere are other sacred moments for a child to become bar/bat mitzvah at B'nai Jeshurun if the family does not meet these requirements. These services are different than the Shabbat morning service and can be a wonderful opportunity for a bar/bat mitzvah in a more intimate setting. Your child can read Torah at a specially scheduled Shabbat afternoon minhah/maariv (afternoon/evening) service (there may be a space rental fee for this service) or your family can celebrate with the morning minyan when Torah is read on Mondays, Thursdays, Rosh Hodesh (the beginning of each month in the Jewish calendar), or Chanukah. Depending on the date of the bar/bat mitzvah, the service will be led by one of our rabbis or a Marshall T. Meyer Rabbinic Fellow. Please call Arlene Brandon (x223) to discuss these alternatives.
Children with Special Learning Needs
All children are welcome to become b'nai mitzvah at B'nai Jeshurun. If your child has a learning challenge that affects his or her ability to learn in a communal setting, please contact us so that we can discuss educational alternatives. If your child has a special learning need, our rabbis, hazzan, and teachers are committed to helping you find the best way to prepare for the bar/bat mitzvah. [Please note: Special arrangements can be made to allow your child and/or other family members with disabilities, to participate fully in the ceremony.]
PREPARATION: A FOUR-YEAR COUNTDOWN TO BAR/BAT MITZVAH
Our first communal steps on the journey to bar/bat mitzvah begin when your child is in fourth grade. The journey continues through the bar/bat mitzvah date and includes an intensive tutorial for your child, workshops with separate activities for children and parents, and participation in Shabbat morning services.
FOURTH GRADE - Receiving Dates
Applications and First Meeting – Contact Arlene Brandon, x223
In the spring of the bar/bat mitzvah child's fourth grade year (or the year in which they turn 9 years of age), parents are invited to an orientation at which they will have an opportunity to meet the b'nai mitzvah staff, the rabbis, and other educational staff at Congregation B'nai Jeshurun. Information regarding the bar/bat mitzvah journey is distributed and discussed and applications requesting a bar/bat mitzvah date are handed in. The information you provide in your completed bar/bat mitzvah application is the primary tool we use in guiding your child and your family through the bar/bat mitzvah journey. Please complete your application and bring it with you to the meeting. You will have an opportunity to ask any questions you may have before handing in your application. If you are not able to attend the meeting, please fax the application to the B'nai Jeshurun office at (212) 496-7600 or mail it to Congregation B'nai Jeshurun, 2109 Broadway, Suite 203, New York, NY 10023, attention: Arlene Brandon.
Assigning Dates – Contact Arlene Brandon x223
Once all the applications have been received, we will assign b'nai mitzvah dates as close to the children's thirteenth birthdays as possible. Generally, b'nai mitzvah are not scheduled during the summer or on holy days. We try to honor date requests from families whenever possible. For administrative purposes, special requests must be made in writing, either in the space provided on your application or in a letter to Arlene Brandon. Letters can be faxed to (212) 496-7600 or mailed to Congregation B'nai Jeshurun, 2109 Broadway, Suite 203, New York, NY 10023, attention: Arlene Brandon.
Matching Children – Contact Davey Rosen (ext. 244)
Each year the number of children far exceeds the number of available Shabbatot. Consequently, your child most likely will be assigned to a bar/bat mitzvah date with another child. Our families tell us that partnering the children can make the day more meaningful for both families. We will encourage a meaningful partnership by careful attention to appropriate matches, and opportunities for joint study and preparation. We encourage our families to reach out to their partner families. Special requests about the matching process are considered in the process of assigning dates. For administrative purposes, all such requests must be made in writing, either in the space provided on your application or in a letter to Davey Rosen. Requests can be faxed to (212) 496-7600 or mailed to Congregation B'nai Jeshurun, 2109 Broadway, Suite 203, New York, NY 10023, attention: Davey Rosen.
Receiving Your Date; ; Confirming Your Date – Contact Arlene Brandon, x223
In late spring, your family will receive a letter from us that will include the date of your child's bar/bat mitzvah and the name of the child who will be sharing the date. If you have any questions or concerns about the date, please contact Arlene Brandon.
FIFTH and SIXTH GRADE
Shabbat Morning Learning Programs – Contact Davey Rosen (ext. 244)
Starting in the fall of fifth grade, all pre-b'nai mitzvah children and their parents are invited to attend special Learning Programs for their specific grade. In addition to building familiarity with the b'nai mitzvah process, you will have the opportunity to engage in Torah study with the Rabbis as you learn more about this rite of passage. This is also a very special time for you and your child to learn with his or her community of peers.
5th Grade Shabbat Morning Learning Programs, 9:30-10:30 AM, SPSA
*These programs precede Junior Congregation, which begins at 10:30 AM
November 1, 2008, and February 7, 2009
6th Grade Shabbat Morning Learning Programs, 9:30-10:30 AM, SPSA
*These programs precede Junior Congregation, which begins at 10:30AM
October 18, 2008, December 6, 2008, March 7, 2009 and May 2, 2009
Sixth Grade Retreat - Contact Davey Rosen, x244
Each spring, sixth graders will attend a B'nai Mitzvah Retreat. Along with a BJ rabbi and some of the children's educators, the sixth graders will engage in community-building activities, learning, and throughout Shabbat and the weekend. This year's retreat will be May 8-10, 2009. More information and registration forms coming soon.SIXTH and SEVENTH GRADE
Preparation Begins: The Tutor – Contact Davey Rosen, ext. 244
Each bar/bat mitzvah child is assigned to one of B'nai Jeshurun's b'nai mitzvah tutors for weekly tutoring sessions. Six months before your child's bar/bat mitzvah date, your tutor will call to schedule an initial meeting with your family. This meeting is to get acquainted, to determine the time and place for a weekly tutoring session for your child, and to discuss such issues as expectations about weekly practice between sessions.
The tutor will be responsible for teaching your child how to chant Torah and Haftarah, how to chant his/her specific Torah and Haftarah readings, and how to write a meaningful d'var Torah (short teaching on the Torah or Haftarah reading). The tutor will also work with your child to choose an English reading or other creative form of expression to share with the congregation at the Kabbalat Shabbat (Friday night service) before his/her bar/bat mitzvah.
Every child meets with a tutor for six months. Should the tutoring period span a summer vacation, an adjustment will be made so that there will be enough time for six months of meetings. Although we encourage you to work with a BJ tutor, if your family would like to hire a private tutor, please contact Davey Rosen, x244.
Meeting with the Hazzan – Contact Naomi Goodhart, x240, Ngoodhart@bj.org
Hazzan Ari Priven will meet with your child between six and eight times over the three months leading up to the bar/bat mitzvah. Naomi Goodhart, Administrative Assistant to Hazzan Priven, will call you to schedule the dates for your child to meet with the Hazzan. Hazzan Priven works with all of the b'nai mitzvah children, teaching them to lead the kiddush (blessing over wine) at the Kabbalat Shabbat service and to lead the Torah service. He will also work with those children who feel comfortable with and are capable of leading additional parts of their bar/bat mitzvah service.
While some b'nai mitzvah children read their entire Torah portion, there are sometimes readings available for other family members who would like the opportunity to read from the Torah at the bar/bat mitzvah. If a member of your family is proficient at reading Torah, please contact Hazzan Priven at x232 two months before the bar/bat mitzvah date to check availability.
Student and Family Meetings with a Rabbi
Student Meeting with a Rabbi - Contact the Rabbinic Office:
Sarah Guthartz, Assistant to Rabbi Roly Matalon (x234)Naomi Goodhart, Assistant to Rabbi Marcelo Bronstein (x240)
Liz Stone, Assistant to Rabbi Felicia Sol (x233)
Approximately two months before your child's bar/bat mitzvah, your child will have the opportunity to meet with a BJ rabbi. The meeting will take place at our offices in the Ansonia Building, located at 2109 Broadway, Suite 203 (entrance is on 73rd Street between Broadway and West End Avenue).
The meeting with the rabbi is a special opportunity for the rabbis to get to know the b'nai mitzvah students while engaging in discussion about the d'var Torah (short teaching on the Torah portion) your child will give before the congregation on the day he or she becomes bar/bat mitzvah. If you have questions about these meetings, please contact the appropriate Rabbinic Assistant.
You will receive a letter from us advising you the name of the rabbi who will meet with your child, and the date and time of the meeting. If it is necessary to change the date and/or time, please call the appropriate Rabbinic Assistant to reschedule.
Family Meeting with a Rabbi
For Shabbat Morning B'nai Mitzvah – Contact the Rabbinic OfficeSarah Guthartz, Assistant to Rabbi Roly Matalon (x234)
Naomi Goodhart, Assistant to Rabbi Marcelo Bronstein (x240)
Liz Stone, Assistant to Rabbi Felicia Sol (x233)
In the final two weeks before the bar/bat mitzvah, your family and the family of your child's bar/bat mitzvah partner will meet with the rabbi who will address your child on the day he or she becomes bar/bat mitzvah. At this meeting, the rabbi will review the final steps of the bar/bat mitzvah journey, ask your child to read his/her d'var Torah, and discuss the flow of the Shabbat morning service. You will be informed of the date and time your meeting by the rabbinic office approximately one month before your child's bar/bat mitzvah date.
For Alternative Service B'nai Mitzvah – Contact Marshall T. Meyer Rabbinic
Fellows
Approximately three months before your child's bar/bat mitzvah, your family will have the opportunity to meet with the MTM Rabbinic Fellow who will lead services and bless your child on the day he or she becomes bar/bat mitzvah. In addition, your child will also have an individual meeting with the MTM Rabbinic Fellow to get to know each other and prepare for the bar/bat mitzvah service. The MTM Rabbinic Fellow will contact your family to schedule these meetings.
THE WEEK OF YOUR CHILD’S BAR/BAT MITZVAH: WHAT TO EXPECT
Morning Minyan – Contact Hazzan Ari Priven, x232Most of our b'nai mitzvah children attend B'nai Jeshurun's morning minyan on the Monday and/or Thursday of the week leading up to the bar/bat mitzvah. Your child is invited and strongly encouraged to read some of his/her Torah portion during the service, which is excellent practice for the bar/bat mitzvah. If your child has an alternative bar/bat mitzvah service, your child is invited and strongly encouraged to attend the morning minyan on the Monday and/or Thursday following the bar/bat mitzvah to read some of his/her Torah portion during the service.
Morning Minyan Dates for B'nai Mitzvah Families
Everyone is welcome and encouraged to attend morning minyan prior to the week preceding your child's bar/bat mitzvah. Morning minyan begins at 7:30AM and lasts until approximately 8:15AM, and is held in the sanctuary at 88th street. It is a wonderful opportunity for students and parents to practice wrapping tefillin, learn the structure of Shaharit (the morning service), see how students prepare during the week of their bar/bat mitzvah, ask questions, feel comfortable praying, and schmooze with other B'nai Mitzvah families. Specific dates when Morning Minyan will welcome B'nai Mitzvah families will be announced throughout the year.
Tefillin
Laying tefillin* is a mitzvah incumbent upon boys beginning at age thirteen, and we also encourage girls to explore the relevance of this mitzvah in their lives at the time of bat mitzvah. Your child is encouraged to lay tefillin as part of the community for the first time at the morning minyan. Hazzan Priven and Rabbi Sol are available to teach your child how to lay tefillin. Tefillin can be made available for use by b'nai mitzvah children at the morning minyan. However, we encourage families to purchase tefillin for their children. Tefillin are available at West Side Judaica and online. Please contact Hollis gauss (x244) with any questions about tefillin.
*Translated as "phylacteries," tefillin are special ritual boxes containing passages from the Torah which are worn on the arm and on the head during weekday morning prayer.
Breakfast after the Morning Minyan – Contact Arlene Brandon, x223
Grandparents and close relatives and friends are often invited to the morning minyan. Some b'nai mitzvah families take advantage of the opportunity to sponsor a celebratory light breakfast following the morning minyan. Please contact Arlene Brandon if you have questions about the morning minyan or to arrange a light breakfast
Friday Evening – Contact Hazzan Ari Priven, x232
It is customary to begin the Shabbat of your child's bar/bat mitzvah at Kabbalat Shabbat. Your family is encouraged to attend either the early or the late Kabbalat Shabbat service the week of your child's bar/bat mitzvah. Your child is invited to lead kiddush (the blessing over the wine) and share an English reading or other form of creative expression with the community. Please let Hazzan Priven know which service you plan to attend.
Family Participation in Shabbat Morning Service – Contact Hazzan Ari Priven, x232
We encourage the participation of the entire family in the Shabbat morning service. Each bar/bat mitzvah family is offered two aliyot (blessings for the Torah), one of which is the aliyah for the bar/bat mitzvah child. The second aliyah can be for the immediate family or a larger group family or friends. There are also other honors during the Torah service that are available for family members including opening and closing the ark and dressing the Torah. Please contact Hazzan Priven to discuss aliyot or other honors that are assigned in the week leading up to the bar/bat mitzvah.
Congregational Kiddush – Contact Guy Felixbrodt, x255
There is a congregational kiddush (wine, challah, and light refreshments) on the second and fourth Shabbat of each month. If the space is available, it is also possible to schedule a kiddush on an additional Shabbat. Families of children who become b'nai mitzvah on those Shabbatot are encouraged to sponsor the kiddush in celebration of their child's new adult role in the community. If you are interested in sponsoring a congregational kiddush, please contact Guy Felixbrodt at least six weeks before your child's bar/bat mitzvah.
Reserved Seating – Contact Sarah Guthartz, x233
We will reserve ten seats at Friday evening and Saturday morning services for the b'nai mitzvah family members and friends.
Photography in the Synagogue – Contact Arlene Brandon, x223
Taking photographs at Shabbat services is not permitted. However, arrangements for taking pictures in the synagogue during the week before may be made in advance.
Celebration – Contact Arlene Brandon, x223
Most families host a celebration, ranging from Shabbat luncheons to Saturday night events, in honor of their child becoming a bar/bat mitzvah. Please contact Arlene Brandon if you would like to rent B'nai Jeshurun's synagogue space on 88th Street for your celebration. The space is available on a "first come, first served" basis and is occasionally restricted by congregational programming.
Enhancing the Experience – Contact Arlene Brandon, x223
Many families choose to enhance their bar/bat mitzvah experience. One way to do this is by sponsoring floral arrangements for the bimah (the raised platform at the front of the sanctuary) on the weekend of their child's bar/bat mitzvah. B'nai Jeshurun does not provide these flowers; they must be ordered in advance by the sponsor. To find out more about sponsoring floral arrangements, please contact Arlene Brandon. Another way to enhance the experience is by making a donation (please see below).
FEES AND CONTRIBUTIONS
The bar/bat mitzvah Fee – Contact Ron Seitenbach, x226
There is a fee of $2,100.00 that covers the expenses related to your child's bar/bat mitzvah journey: tutoring, preparation materials, administrative costs, and programs. If you pay a tutor privately, the fee is reduced to $675.00. These fees are subject to change, and financial assistance is available. If you would like to discuss financial aid, please contact Ron Seitenbach.
Tzedakah
"A Jew does not believe alone; he or she believes with the community of Israel; and shares an insight of three thousand years of Jewish history… All generations are present in every generation. The community of Israel lives in every Jew. Every Jew, and the individual Jew, can survive only through intimate attachment to involvement in the community" (Abraham Joshua Heschel, The Insecurity of Freedom).
When your child becomes bar/bat mitzvah, he or she is counted as a fully participating member of the Jewish community for the first time. The time surrounding bar/bat mitzvah is a wonderful opportunity for your child to contribute to his or her community. Giving tzedakah (the commandment of monetary donations) is one way in which Jews sustain their communities - both the Jewish community and the community of humankind.
Some children request that their families and friends make donations in their honor in lieu of gifts, and some children choose to donate all of part of the money they receive as gifts. In addition, many families choose to mark this special occasion by making a donation to B'nai Jeshurun in their child's honor.
At B'nai Jeshurun, in New York, and in the wider community, there are many funds that support the sacred work of creating, nurturing, and sustaining community. To talk more about a gift your child can make in honor of his or her bar/bat mitzvah, please contact Davey Rosen, x244
If your child wishes to direct tzedakah to B'nai Jeshurun, the following are a few suggestions of where donations can be directed:
- Support our community by donating to existing B'nai Jeshurun funds such as the:
- B'nai Jeshurun General Fund
- Hebrew School Fund
- Judith Bernstein Lunch Program
- Marshall T. Meyer Memorial Fund
- Miriam L. Siroky Fund for Family Education
- Rabbis’ Discretionary Funds
- Social Action/Social Justice Fund
- In addition, there are several areas and programs that need support:
- Arts and Culture
- Bikkur Holim
- Kesharim (Senior Adults)
- Music
Gemilut Hasadim/“Mitzvah Projects”
In addition to tzedakah, another way to contribute to the community is through gemilut hasadim, acts of lovingkindness. Many of the programs mentioned above rely on the time commitment of volunteers. If you or your child wish to volunteer at B'nai Jeshurun, please contact Channa Camins, x261. If you are interested in other volunteer opportunities in New York, please contact Davey Rosen, x244.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Each child who becomes bar/bat mitzvah at B'nai Jeshurun is given Your Bar/Bat Mitzvah: Parashah and Haftarah with Commentary (Union of American Hebrew Congregations, 1984)
The following resources belong to B'nai Jeshurun and may be borrowed with permission. They are also wonderful resources to have in your Jewish library, and we encourage families to mark the occasion of a bar/bat mitzvah by adding to their home resources. They are available for purchase or order at West Side Judaica.
- Siddur Sim Shalom: A Prayerbook for Shabbat, Festivals, and Weekdays (The Rabbinical Assembly, 1985)
- The Torah: A Modern Commentary (Union of American Hebrew Congregations, 1981)
- Etz Hayim Torah and Commentary, edited by David Lieber (The Rabbinical Assembly, 2000)
- A Torah Commentary For Our Times, by Harvey J. Fields (Union of American Hebrew Congregations, 1993)
For additional commentary and explanation of your child’s Torah or Haftarah readings, we suggest the following books. There is a complete set of these books available for use at BJ’s office for your reference. In addition, they are all available for purchase or order at West Side Judaica:
- A Torah Commentary for Our Times, by Harvey J. Fields (Union of American Hebrew Congregations, 1990)
- Sparks Beneath the Surface: A Spiritual Commentary on the Torah, by Lawrence Kushner and Kerry Olitzky (Jason Aronson Press, 1995)
For further insight into the bar/bat mitzvah journey, including ideas for mitzvah projects, we suggest the following books, all of which are available for purchase or order at West Side Judaica:
- Putting God on the Guestlist: How to Reclaim the Spiritual Meaning of Your Child’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah, by Rabbi Jeffrey K. Salkin (Jewish Lights Publishing, 1993)
- Jewish Literacy: The Most Important Things to Know about the Jewish Religion, by Joseph Telushkin (William Morrow and Co., 1991)
- Living a Jewish Life, by Anita Diamant (Harper Perennial)
- Gym Shoes and Irises: Personalized Tzedakah, by Danny Siegel (Townhouse Press, 1982, 1987)