Tips for Mindful Visiting

  • Stay in the moment

  • Don’t sit at the head of the bed because that is where the Shechina sits.

  • Remember that you are a connection to health for the ill person.

  • Be mindful that you are offsetting the discomfort of the visitee by being there.

  • Remember that you do not need to make busy talk – it is OK not to be able to find the words – words are sometimes inadequate during a Bikkur Holim visit.

  • Be mindful that the hiddenness of God can be found in what sustains the ill person.

  • Pray with/for the person during or after the visit.

  • Try to offer a blessing at the beginning and end of the visit, if possible.

From Rabbi Irving (Yitz) Greenberg, PhD, keynote speaker at the 20th Annual Bikur Cholim Conference, 11/11/07, JBFCS/Bikur Cholim Coordinating Council.


Also

  • It is not the job of the visitor to give advice or try to fix the situation by “doing” something. Allow the good and the bad aspects of life to simply be there without needing to do anything about them, without trying to fix the feelings or the situation. This, according to Rabbi Mychal Springer, is the “challenge of bikkur holim”, to simply be there and bear witness with another to whatever is taking place.

  • Rather than cheering someone up, it can be very comforting and supportive to go with the person into the sadness that they are feeling, and allow them to be there, in that sad place, with you.

  • Try to pray with or for the patient. The commandment of Bikkur Holim states that without prayer, the visit does not count. Don’t be afraid to take a risk, and invite a bikkur holim recipient to pray with us during our visits. Try to move beyond what is most safe for you, and allow your heart to touch the heart of the other person, to acknowledge that this life is never ordinary, to give thanks. When we allow our hearts to be open, or to even be broken, that is the moment when we can feel God’s response. If a formal prayer doesn’t seem to fit the situation, you may consider asking the sick person what he/she is praying for, and to create together a prayer out of that wish. Finally, it is always okay to tell the visitee that he/she is in our prayers if, for any reason, it is not comfortable to pray together.

Written by Barbara Goldman z”l, and Jeannie Blaustein